There are inevitably big and small quarrels in life. If this matter is not handled properly, it will easily affect the relationship between the two parties. So how do people with high EQ deal with quarrels?
When people get along with each other, there will always be conflicts and disputes because of different ideas, positions, or values. There are usually three negative and ineffective types of quarrels, namely, personal attack type, old account type, and passive resistance type.
These three types of quarrels not only failed to resolve the contradictions but instead escalated the contradictions and seriously harmed each other’s relationship. And those with high EQ who rarely have disputes with others, it is not that they have never encountered disputes, but they know how to deal with them and reduce harm.
To deal with personal aggressive quarrels, you must first ensure that you are not irritated by the attack, and more importantly, you must restrain the urge to counterattack. Secondly, experience the inner needs of the other party. People quarrel often because certain needs are not met. The most important thing at this time is to listen to and understand the positive needs behind the negative accusation. For example, “You said I was lazy and played games as soon as I got home. Do you want me to accompany you more” “You said I am selfish, do you want me to think about your feelings more”? Such consideration can quickly calm the other party’s anger and begin constructive communication.
People usually turn old accounts because they have deep negative emotions that have not been expressed and understood. In this type of quarrel, it is necessary to restrain the aversion to turning over the old accounts, do not make a fuss about the old accounts, understand and feel the other party, and bring the focus back to the current affairs as soon as possible. For example, “I know that this incident makes you very wronged and angry, so you will talk about the past. Let us solve this problem?” This will make the other party feel that they are understood and calm down.
In the face of negative resistance, don’t stop communicating because of the silence of the other party. People who love the cold war are usually not good at words, so they have to ignore them to express their emotions. Therefore, you can remind the other party in a friendly way to give up this “wall-building” communication method, and sincerely invite and encourage the other party to communicate again.
4 ways to keep you away from quarrels
calm down by yourself
When your heart is very angry and the anger keeps burning, you must control the intensity of the anger at this time. In this case, if you send out the fire all the time, then you will harm the other party. Before you get angry, take a few deep breaths and tell yourself not to be impulsive, to be calm, and to deal with problems rationally. Quarrels will not produce results. Learn to calm down your inner anger, such as going out and listening. Listen to the music, calm yourself down, and then respond to your lover’s questions and keep yourself awake. Only by clearing the order of things can you solve the problem better.
don’t refute loudly
Whether it’s a relationship or a young couple’s life, it’s because they understand each other and know what kind of temper their lover is, and what they will get angry with. Don’t say these things that make the other angry. Excessive words will give each other annoyance. To cause harm, no matter what he said or did, you should keep your calm and sober, and then wait for the other person to calm down before dealing with the problem.
Learn to listen to what the other person says and respond
No matter what the quarrel is, if one party stays calm, the fight will not last too long, and unilateral anger will not be maintained for too long. When he calms down, you try to hear why the other party is doing this and why, Use some warm and understanding words to talk to each other. There is no need to entangle who is right and who is wrong. It is most important for two people to be happy.
When talking, it’s best to look at the other person and say it more sincerely, say something that hasn’t been expressed in the usual way, hold his hand, let him feel your love, so that the other person will remember with you, and the anger will naturally disappear.
Learn to empathize
When two people are arguing about something, calm down, try to think about the problem from his perspective, feel his feelings at the time, communicate with each other more, tell him what you think, try to respect each other, and then Let’s talk about some of the existing problems together to increase mutual trust, and stop mentioning the past, lest the quarrel starts again.